Effective Communication During COVID-19

Disclaimer: Here at SexInfo, we are not medical or mental health professionals. Our advice should not be taken as a replacement for the advice or expertise of a medical professional or doctor. If you have further needs, questions, or concerns related to anything we discuss in this article or in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic and your health, we encourage you to seek advice from a medical professional. We have included a list of resources at the end of this article if you seek further information on these topics.

Greetings from SexInfo and your Sexperts! We wanted to let you know we are still here and working hard to ensure that our site retains a sense of normalcy in the coming months.

The Sexperts wanted to write this article to help our readers work through any issues that may arise in your life surrounding love, romance, and relationships due to the COVID-19 pandemic. COVID-19, commonly referred to as the coronavirus, has upended all aspects of life. People across the world have been asked to practice social-distancing and limit their social interaction. As a result, people’s romantic and sexual lives have quickly changed. We hope this article will provide a sense of comfort during this time, by offering tips on how to stay happy, healthy by detailing the experiences of people dealing with transitioning to life during a pandemic.

This article focuses on effectively communicating with your partner in either a long-distance or close proximity relationship during the COVID-19 pandemic. Before that is addressed, we wanted to provide a general overview of the virus’ transmission and symptoms, along with some information about the benefits of social distancing.

Table of Contents

Virus Transmission and Symptoms

COVID-19 is caused by a novel coronavirus named SARS-CoV-2 (Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome coronavirus 2) in January 2020.¹ The virus is related to, but not should not be confused with, other members of the coronavirus family that were responsible for the SARs and MERs outbreaks in 2003 and 2012, respectively.¹The majority of coronaviruses do not cause severe disease, but in the case of SARS-CoV-2, this highly transmissible virus has rapidly spread across the globe.¹

The virus SARS-CoV-2 is primarily transmitted when viral particles are released from an infected person’s body throughcoughing or exhaling, and then inhaled by someone else. In addition, after coughing or exhaling, viral droplets can land on surfaces. If someone without the virus touches a surface with viral particles, this can lead to transmission if that person then touches their eyes, nose, or mouth before washing their hands.²

After exposure to the virus, symptoms of COVID-19 may appear between 2-14 days and can range from mild to severe. Symptoms include

Fever
Cough
Shortness of breath or difficulty breathing
Chills
Muscle pain
Headache
Fatigue
Sore throat
New loss of taste or smell
Pain or pressure in the chest

If you or someone you know is exhibiting these symptoms, please seek out medical attention immediately for information on what to do next. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, dial your country’s emergency number for medical attention.

COVID-19 is diagnosed using tests that detect viral particles from patient samples. Though the virus is primarily transmitted through exhaled droplets, SARS-CoV-2 particles have been found in respiratory fluid, blood, urine, and stool specimens. It is currently unknown if vomit, breast milk, or semen from an infected person can transmit the infection.

Infected individuals can be asymptomatic for the first few days after exposure. This increases the risk of transmission, as people who are unaware of their infection can still transmit the virus to others. This aspect of the disease makes physical distancing a necessity until further notice. Physical distancing, or leaving 6 feet of space between you and the next person, which minimizes the chances of virus droplets spreading between people.

Shelter-in-place orders have been issued by many governments as a way to reduce transmission, and individuals are encouraged to cease any non-essential errands. As of right now, there is no vaccine for SARS-CoV-2, and development of effective vaccines is a long and rigorous progress. More information on the virus can be found on the World Health Organization’s website.

Though physical distancing can be difficult, this practice is aimed towards the goal of “flattening the curve”, so that healthcare systems are not overwhelmed by a massive influx of infected individuals all at once.

Healthy & Effective Communication in Quarantine and Isolation:

Trigger Warning: In the portion of this article that discusses close-proximity relationships during quarantine, issues of domestic abuse and violence are discussed. We understand that this can be a sensitive subject for many of our readers. There is an additional warning before the information.

Effective and healthy communication is important to any healthy relationship. Effective communication allows partners to better connect with and understand one another, because it fosters an environment of trust and respect. Good communication between partners can prevent issues surrounding dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and misunderstanding.³During the COVID-19 outbreak, no matter where someone finds themselves, effective and healthy communication with romantic partners is as important as ever. With changing circumstances, some couples have found themselves hundreds of miles away from one another, while others have found themselves living in much closer proximity than ever before. First, we will address communication tips for relationships that are, or have become, long-distance due to the present circumstances. Next, there is information regarding communication tips for relationships that are close-proximity, for partners living together, during the COVID-19 outbreak.

Disclaimer: Throughout this article, the word ‘partner’ is used in the singular form, for clarity purposes. We acknowledge that people may be part of polyamorous, open, or unlabeled relationships at this moment. If this applies to you, the tips and information can still be applied to any relationship you may be in.

Long-Distance Communication:

You may have found yourself in a long-distance relationship (LDR) in the midst of social distancing measures and self-quarantine. Thankfully, with modern technology and the internet, some of the pitfalls of LDRs, such as loneliness, jealousy, and a lack of intimacy, can be mitigated by technology-based communication tools. Research has found that email, instant messaging, texting, video-calling, phone calling, and social networking all help to make LDRs easier to maintain and more satisfying for couples.⁵While an LDR may seem intimidating and scary, countless relationships continue to flourish over long distances as many couples even report similar relational satisfaction to those not in LDRs.⁶It is more than possible to have a happy, healthy, satisfying, and worthwhile LDR with clear, confident, and open communication between you are your partner. Whether the relationship became long-distance due to the COVID-19 outbreak or is being continued during the outbreak, there are a few tips that can help you and your partner ensure that you continue to communicate effectively throughout the duration of your time physically apart from one another.

1. Make your needs clear to your partner(s). Ask your partner what their needs are during this time and let them know yours.

Needs could be anything from sexual satisfaction to emotional support.

2. Make it clear how often you would like to communicate with your partner.

For example, if your partner is calling you every few hours, and this is too often for you, let them know you need more time before talking to them again. In contrast, if your partner is contacting you less than you would like, communicating this to them allows room for them to change.

3. Find new and novel ways to interact and communicate.

Try using new methods of communication with each other. Some alternative ways to communicate could be sending each other hand-written letters, sending electronic-cards, or video-calling.

4. Feelings of loneliness from your partner are completely normal. You may wish to express these feelings to your partner, and then discuss ways in which you can support one another.

5. If feelings of dissatisfaction (emotional/sexual/etc.) arise, do not be afraid to communicate this to your partner. Bringing this up could result in a conversation about how you alleviate these feelings and better satisfy one another.

6. Schedule a time every week to check in with one another.

This could be a time designated to talking about whether or not your needs are being satisfied, any emotions you may be feeling, or anything you would like to do in the coming week. This gives you and your partner a chance to talk about anything that may be coming up in your relationship, without interfering with other time dedicated to other aspects of your relationship.

7. Have a discussion with your partner about how you would like to address any conflict that could arise.

Different people have different styles of conflict resolution. Some people prefer to address conflict as soon as it arises and with very direct communication styles, while others prefer to take time to think about what they want to say. Some take a more rational approach to conflict resolution, going through a step by step analysis of what happened, while others prefer to express the emotions they felt. Many people fall somewhere in the middle and use a combination of both. Understanding your partner’s style of resolution can help you understand how to address your concerns in a way that is most effective.

8. Let your partner know what they are doing right.

Do not forget to tell your partner the positive aspects of your relationship and the things you appreciate about them.

9. Explore masturbation and self-pleasure to keep yourself sexually satisfied. If you are afraid this might upset your partner, talk to them about it before

People in non-monogamous, or non-exclusive relationships, may choose to seek out sexual satisfaction fromadditional partners, but we do not recommend this during the COVID-19 outbreak as, at the time of writing, the safest sex is self-sex or masturbation. Engaging in sexual activity with new partners comes with the risk of exposure to or transmission of COVID-19.
Order a new sex toy online and explore using it. If you already use toys regularly, try looking for a new one that will have a sense of novelty. Read our article on sex toys for ideas!
You may also consider ordering and shipping your partner a new sex toy you think they will enjoy.

Virtual Communication Tips:

1. Set up video-calls or phone dates and take them seriously.⁴

Eat dinner together, play a game, talk about your day, or do anything you normally would in person. Treat it like a real date! Dress up for each other if you normally would or try to do something special.

2. Try out cyber/phone sex or sexting.

Try calling one another, either with or without video, and engage in sexual acts, such as masturbation. Try incorporating sex toys or “dirty talk” for increased novelty. Though it may seem awkward at first, phone sex can be a fun way to be intimate with a partner when physically apart.
Sexting is another way to add sexual novelty when you are unable to be with your partner physically. Erotic messages and pictures can be shared with a partner using text messaging or social media applications. Be sure to read our article about sexting to properly educate yourself on how to sext safely.

3. Simulate shared living over a video call by doing things you would normally do together in person, but over a video call.⁵ This can help your relationship retain a sense of normalcy. Some examples of things to do with your partner are:

Eat meals
- Watch a movie or TV show
- Play a video game
- Have friends come in and spend time with both of you in a group video call
- Do work for your career or education together
- Call each other before bed to say goodnight

4. Try communicating (calling, video-chatting, etc.) in a variety of places

Call your partner while you go on a walk while social distancing from others
Try calling your partner in your backyard, or another room where you live, instead of where you normally call them.

A Few Notes on Virtual Communication:

While the world has moved to replace face-to-face communication with digital communication, couples may find that they are not receiving the same relational satisfaction as before. It is common for miscommunication to occur over online communication and there are a few important characteristics of digital communication to recognize that can help you and your partner(s) alleviate any possible issues that could arise.

It is generally more difficult to read another person’s facial and emotional cues when communicating digitally. When communicating and interacting in person, humans constantly pick up on other’s facial expressions and emotional cues. Face-to-face communication provides the richest experience in terms of being able to pick up on emotional cues from others, which is what makes it feel so intimate and special. For some people, losing these facial and emotional cues makes it harder to empathize with the person they are interacting with in long distance relationships (LDRs). Recognize that you or your partner may be struggling to understand or pick up on emotional cues. You can give more cues that are similar to face-to-face communication, by using more emojis when texting and video-calling when possible in order to achieve a situation most similar to in-person communication. Both emojis and video-calling are a great way to reduce uncertainty in the messages you send while in a LDR.⁷ Finding ways to communicate with your partner in a way that has the least amount of ambiguity can help you both feel closer and more understanding of one another’s emotions. This increased closeness can lead to more relational satisfaction.

Along with recognizing how to best communicate your emotions over the internet, do not forget to make sure you are always using safe, private, and secure methods of communicating with one another, especially if the communication becomes sexual and involves cyber/phone sex. The importance of good cyber-safety has only increased during the current circumstances.

Setting the Terms of Your Relationship:

Along with learning to communicate effectively over distance, it is important to acknowledge and set the terms of your LDR. It is best to set these terms before you are physically distant from each other, but due to the circumstances, you and your partner may not have had a chance to talk about the status of your relationship while you are physically apart. A few common relationship statuses are summarized below:

Exclusive: In this type of LDR, neither partner seeks out other partners for either romantic or sexual needs.
Open: Partners are still dating each other, but each person is open to meeting others for romantic or sexual needs. Either partner can engage in a casual sexual encounter if they feel drawn to.
Pause/Break: While you are apart, you and your partner may decide to put your relationship on pause, with the intention of getting back together when you are physically in the same place again.

There are many more options than the three listed above. Choose something that will work for your specific situation with your partner while keeping in mind all the nuances of your relationship. These three options may not be possible or an option for many couples due to a variety of circumstances. Keep clear and open channels of communication open surrounding the various possibilities of your relationship. It is also important to ensure that you or your partner are not agreeing to something either of you are uncomfortable with. Be sure that whatever option you and your partner chose is one you both feel completely safe, comfortable, and secure in. If you do not feel this way, either at the start or at any pointduring your time apart, voice those concerns to your partner as soon as possible. Additionally, make sure to set aside time to check in with one another every week and use this time to talk about whether or not the limits and structure of your relationship are currently working for you. If it is not ideal for either of you, you may consider reevaluating the limits you have chosen.

With all of these tips in mind, it is also important to remember to keep an open mind about being in a long-distance relationship. There are many struggles that come from being physically separated from your partner, but it is also a good opportunity to learn how to effectively communicate with one another and strengthen your bond. Being in a long-distance relationship, which most people experience at some point of their lives, affords new opportunities for relationships to grow and strengthen in entirely new ways.⁵

The 5 Love Languages:⁸

Taking time to understand you and your partner’s love languages ( which can range from one to multiple) is an excellent way to keep your relationship healthy, exciting,, and satisfying while you are physically distant from one another.⁸ Love languages are the different ways in which humans express and experience love. e. The five love languages are listed below:

1. Words of Affirmation

Those whose love language revolves around words of affirmation enjoy hearing verbal compliments and phrases such as “I love you” or “you are so beautiful”. In a LDR, using words of affirmation to communicate with your partner, or hearing them from your partner, can ensure that you and your partner never feel emotionally distant.

2. Quality Time

Quality time is spending meaningful, satisfying time with your partner. That time could be anything from watching a movie together to going on a walk. A long-distance relationship has constraints on how quality time can be spent which can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and loneliness. Ask your partner what the best way would be to spend quality time together during your time in a long-distance relationship. Some ideas of ways to spend quality time together could be video-calling, watching shows together while video-calling, going on a video-calling date, or anything you would normally do together, in person, but digitally!

3. Acts of Service

Acts of service can be anything from making your partner’s bed to running to the store for them. With the COVID-19 outbreak, along with the possibility of being in a long-distance relationship, it is harder to appeal to this love language; therefore, ask your partner what you can still do for them and inform them of things you would like that they can do for you.

4. Physical Touch

Physical touch is important for those who heavily value this love language as a vital way to show love. If one of your, or your partner’s, love languages is physical touch, you and your partner may feel distant and dissatisfied while physically apart from each other. In order to alleviate some of this possible dissatisfaction or longing for your partner’s touch, try sending your partner physical objects such as one of your t-shirts.

5. Gifts

The love language of gifts centers around giving or receiving gifts as a way to express or feel love. If you know your partner loves getting gifts from you, try sending them one! For example, you could try finding a local flower shop near your partner to deliver flowers to their house on your behalf. Think of creative and exciting gifts to send! If you value receiving gifts from your partner, let your partner know some gift ideas that they could send you. Gifts do not ever need to be expensive as a hand-made personal gift can cost little to nothing yet express far more sentimental value. Send your partner a playlist or a CD you made for them or draw them a picture. Make your partner something that will truly remind them of you.

Close Proximity Communication

If you are quarantining, social distancing, or living with your partner during the COVID-19 outbreak, we have a few important tips to help you ensure that your relationship stays happy, healthy, and satisfying. While quarantining with your partner can be difficult, there are also countless opportunities for emotional and relational growth. During quarantine, partners can become even closer as the traditional structure of society that often keeps couples apart for most of the day has changed. Couples now have many more opportunities to spend time with each other and can use this time to explore new ways to be romantic and to explore their sex lives together. The following tips emphasize the importance of retaining a sense of independence from your partner, if needed, along with keeping clear channels of communication open to ensure that your time with your partner while quarantining will only help you grow closer.

1. Talk about your needs with your partner in a respectful and understanding manner

Have a conversation with your partner in which you outline any needs you have or anticipate having as soon as possible Even if you have had this conversation in the past, it is a good idea to revisit it now considering the changing circumstances that could lead to more contact with your partner than ever before. A few examples of needs you could outline are:
- How often you need and would like alone time
- How much time is too much time to spend with them
- What your sexual needs are during this time
- How you would like to spend your time together

2. Set aside weekly time to discuss how your relationship is doing

Schedule a weekly meeting with each other, for a set, limited amount of time, where you can go over anything that has come up in your relationship in the past week. This is also a great time to express any new needs you have, any conflicts that have come up, or anything you feel has been going well.
Do not forget to talk to your partner about what has been working in your relationship during this time. Let your partner know things they have been doing that have made you happy and feel loved.

3. Go on dates in the house and create date nights for yourselves

Either plan a date or surprise your partner with one
Make your partner dinner and set up a special table where you can both eat privately
Create an activity you can do with your partner as a date

4. Explore new sexual fantasies, role playing and toys

Try out any new sex-related activities you and your partner have been meaning to explore
- It can be fun and useful to make a Will Do/Won’t Do list in which you outline things you are willing to try and things you are not willing to try with your partner in the bedroom. This type of list can make it very clear to your partner where you draw the line with sexual exploration.
Order new sex toys online and try them out
- Order a new sex toy online and explore with your partner! If you and your partner already use toys regularly, try looking for a new one together online that will have a sense of novelty. Look to our article on sex toys for ideas!
Explore extending and trying new sexual foreplay
- Try sensate focus or other aspects of foreplay that you usually do not do with one another.

5. Schedule time apart from each other

If you feel that you may become overwhelmed with all the physical time you are spending with your partner while quarantining together, try scheduling time apart. Set aside time where you can be alone, go on a walk while social distancing, or just have some time to yourself to do anything you feel necessary. Having alone time gives you both time to miss each other and be even more grateful when you are in the same space. Try to reserve some activities throughout your day to be done alone.
For example, you could choose to always do work for your jobor school in a room by yourself to get some alone time from your partner.

6. Surprise your partner

A fun or thoughtful surprise can make your partner feel special. You can cook them a meal, help them out with a chore, or plan a romantic and sexy night together in your bedroom.

7. Talk to your partner about how you both would like to address conflict resolution.

Some people prefer to address conflict and relationship issues as soon as they arise and with very direct communication styles, while others prefer taking time to think about what they want to say. Some prefer to go over issues or conflict rationally, going through a step by step analysis of what happened, while others prefer to express more of the emotions they felt. Most people fall somewhere in the middle of these spectrums. Ask your partner how they would like for you to address conflict and let them know how you would like them to address the same concerns.

8. If you need a routine:

Try starting a new TV-show together
Exercise together
Schedule dates in the house with one another
Schedule time to yourself every day
Schedule time with your partner every day
Go through a routine in the morning and try to achieve a consistent sleep schedule

9. If you need to get out of a routine and feel more spontaneous:

It can become easy to fall into an unhealthy routine during this current situation. If you are feeling the routine you have fallen into may not be ideal, try some of the following tips to mix things up:
- Think of new, fun things to do around the house or outside while socially distanced
- Surprise your partner with an activity or date

10. Think about your partner’s love languages

As discussed in the long distance relationship section of this article, figuring out your partner’s love languageis a great tool for keeping your relationship healthy . Use this information to think of ways you can show your partner love and spice up your sex life with them.

11. Make your health concerns, in regard to COVID-19, clear to your partner.

If your partner is not social distancing as much as you would like or doing anything else causing you stress in relation to your health, talk to them about it so that there can be room for change.

TRIGGER WARNING:

Domestic Violence & Abuse:

For a more detailed summary of this topic, see our article on domestic violence. Partners socially distancing or quarantining together are at a high risk of past or current relationship issues becoming more prevalent. Sadly, domestic violence and abuse can be included in this discussion as many couples are spending every hour together in the same home. This constant time with one another can result in a higher occurrence of abuse and leaves victims with a significantly smaller window of time to find help and escape if they need to. Unfortunately, there has been an increase in rates of domestic violence since the COVID-19 pandemic began.⁹ Amanda Taub, a former human rights lawyer and current journalist for the New York Times, called this rise in domestic violence a “opportunistic infection, flourishing in conditions created by the pandemic”.⁹Research completed prior to the pandemic shows that domestic violence rates increase whenever families spend more time together, specifically r around holidays, weekends, and the summer months.¹⁰ Financial recessions and natural disasters have also been shown to increase rates of domestic violence.¹⁰The COVID-19 pandemic shares many of these characteristics, especially in relation to holidays and weekends, as couples are closer together in their homes and off work during holidays and while quarantining together. Financial recessions are of relevance here as well. Financial struggles due to layoffs and an economic recession during the COVID-19 outbreak may end up causing upward trends in domestic violence that similar situations in the past have.Combined, all of these factors can lead to an extremely toxic and claustrophobic environment. If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, in the past or currently there are still resources available to you that are outlined below. There are also a few key signs to know and be aware of to tell if you are experiencing domestic abuse or if someone you know is.

Domestic violence usually takes place in four stages:¹¹

1. Tension Building Phase

In this phase, the longest of the four, minor conflicts and emotional abuse are often present. Many describe this phase as feeling as if they are “walking on eggshells.”¹²

2. Explosion Phase

At this time, the actual abuse occurs. The tension from the tension building phase reaches a climax to the point that violence takes place.

3. Honeymoon Phase

Usually taking place very shortly after the explosion phase, the honeymoon phase is when the abuser profusely apologizes for their actions and vows to never do it again as they try to regain their partner’s trust. The abuser may even buy gifts and be extremely romantic during this time. Oftentimes, the tension building phase begins again till the explosion phase is reached, repeating the cycle.

4. Denial

At this stage, the abuser will deny the abuse or the severity of the abuse. During this time, or even before, victims often make up stories for how they got their bruises or scars or try and cover them with makeup. Additionally, this is the time during which victims are often silenced to the point that they feel unable to do anything to stop the abuse. This phase is especially significant during the COVID-19 pandemic as isolation may cause the victim to feel even more silenced and make seeking out help even more difficult.

If you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, or you know someone who is, the following resources may help:

National Domestic Violence Hotline in the US: https://www.thehotline.org

Australia’s Hotline & Information: https://www.1800respect.org.au

United Kingdom’s Hotline & Information: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

STI Testing:

While the world is dealing with the ramifications of the COVID-19 pandemic, sexual health will continue to be as important as ever. If you are quarantining or socially distancing with your partner and engaging in sexual behavior, you may still want to get a test for a sexually transmitted infection for a variety of reasons. In many places, health clinics and health services where STI testing is provided are still open and doing tests. Contact your doctor or local clinic before showing up for a test to make sure that this service is still available.In some cases, your doctor may be able to speak with you through what is known as a tele-health appointment, a doctor’s appointment over the phone or a video-conferencing software, to determine how you should get tested for any STIs. Along with testing for STIs, remember to use effective methods of preventing the transmission of STIs such as using a condom. More information on good options for preventing the possible transmission of STIs can be found here.

If you think that you may have contracted an STI before the COVID-19 outbreak, or during it, reach out to your doctor, a medical professional, or a health clinic for more information on what steps to take next. Refer to our chart with the symptoms, treatment, and transmission of STIs for more information on specific infections along with online resources for locating testing locations.

Concluding Remarks

No one anticipated the current state of the world and we here at SexInfo were just as shocked to find our lives, relationships, and sex lives significantly changed. We hope that this article gives you and your partner a guide to how to better handle the current situation. Remember, the Sexperts and SexInfo Online are always here to support you. Below is a collection of various stories and testimonials, written by Sexperts about how their sexual and romantic lives have changed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. We hope that these testimonials offer a sense of comfort and remind you that we are in this together.

Testimonials:

Erika: I’ve been single during quarantine, so it has allowed me to focus on myself more. I’m really happy with this change. In the months before quarantine, I had multiple sexual partners, so this change was hard at first, but I’ve found it to be constructive for my mental health!

Josh: The most difficult part of maintaining a relationship while respecting social distancing has been the lack of being able to touch or feel my partner. I have learned that even a hug can provide so much happiness and joy to a relationship. I’m so grateful for Facetime but in all honesty, it still doesn’t compare to being able to look my partner in the eyes and being physically present. My advice to others would be to make the most out of the virtual conversations you have with your partner, and it’s ok to give each other space when your conversations become dull or repetitive.

Will: I have spent my time in quarantine with my partner and those I live with. Overall, I would say that the extra time we have together has allowed us to explore activities together that we did not have time to before. The whole situation has also reduced some of my anxiety surrounding planning events or trips with my partner. I feel that we have become better at addressing when we need time to ourselves and what our general needs are.

Virus Transmission and Symptoms

Healthy & Effective Communication in Quarantine and Isolation:

Long-Distance Communication:

Close Proximity Communication

Concluding Remarks

Further Reading: