Phone sex, which consists of describing sexual acts over the phone, might initially seem daunting or uncomfortable. However, phone sex can by a healthy part of a long-distance relationship, or an enjoyable tool for those who would like to spice up their sex life. Since communication is more important than physical contact for phone sex (especially when compared to conventional intercourse), it can also help couples learn new things about each other’s sexual preferences and fantasies.

Engaging in Phone Sex

In the absence of visual and tactile stimuli, speaking sexually becomes the primary turn-on. Speaking sexually can be challenging for many reasons—individuals may not feel comfortable with sexual words or may fear that when they try to speak sexually, they will say the wrong thing and turn their partner off.¹ If you or your partner have these concerns, communicating about what is a turn on or turn off while speaking sexually may help you both feel more comfortable.²

After communicating with your partner, you still might feel silly at first. This feeling is common, so try to relax and enjoy this new form of connection with your partner. What might initially feel uncomfortable can bring you and your partner closer together.

Some people might shy away from phone sex due to anxiety about talking on the phone, which is a common social phobia. Communicating with your partner about this, relaxing your body by taking deep breaths, and practicing may help you decrease this form of anxiety.³

During phone sex, enjoy sharing your sexual desires with your partner; detail explicitly what you want to do with them or what you are currently doing, and ask them to do the same. Encourage your partner and let them know if something they say turns you on. If you need inspiration, erotic literature be a good source.

Try incorporating masturbation. You can also try telling your partner what you’re doing or how you like it. You could say phrases like “I’m imaging you as I’m stroking myself” or “I’m getting wet.” Moaning and sighing might also arouse you or your partner. If you are having trouble getting in the mood for “dirty talk,” you might try becoming sexually aroused prior to picking up the phone, as this may ease your transition to a sexual state of mind.

Commercialized Phone Sex

Paid phone sex services provide customers with an “operator” who will participate in phone sex with them. These services are often advertised on late night television, in pornographic magazines, or online. Phone sex hotlines usually feature performers who will take calls at their place of business or—more often—in their own homes, after processing client payment information and verifying that the client is of legal age (18 years old in the U.S).⁴ Some individuals choose to provide independent phone sex services, establishing online sites that highlight their physical characteristics, age, abilities, and fetishes as a phone sex operator.⁵ While private phone sex operators may only offer specialized features and abilities, larger companies hire a vast selection of operators in order to provide their customers with an appropriate match. There is an enormous amount of kinks and fetishes that exist in today’s society, so operators may want to establish limits with their customer if he or she is uncomfortable with certain fetishes. Due to the presence of some controversial and illegal kinks, such as bestiality, incest, or pedophilia, phone sex operators reserve the right to say “no” or disconnect a call if they feel uncomfortable with the conversation.⁶

The idea of a phone sex hotline that matches two customers with the same desires could be the biggest breakthrough in the phone sex industry yet. Unfortunately, this kind of service is likely unavailable due to the disproportionate amount of male customers to female customers. As long as men continue to be the vast majority of phone-sex-service users there will remain a need for paid operators to satiate their sexual desires.

Concluding Remarks

For couples who want to spice up their sex life or long distance couples, phone sex can be a positive sexual experience that facilitates intimacy. By listening and responding to what your partner is describing and asserting what types of fantasies and dirty talk you find arousing, phone sex can be a mutually enjoyable experience. For the time being, commercialized phone sex is also an alternative option for individuals who are over 18 and wish to have phone sex.

References

1. Hay, Mark. “How to Talk Dirty in Bed, According to Porn Stars.” Vice, 11. Oct. 2018.

2. Hay, Mark. “How to Talk Dirty in Bed, According to Porn Stars.” Vice, 11. Oct. 2018.

3. Kim, Jean. “3 Ways to Tackle Telephone Phobia.” Psychology Today, Sussex Pubishers.

4. “United States Age of Consent Map.” United States Age of Consent Laws By State.

5. Thompson, Tiffy. “What It’s Like to Be a Phone Sex Operator in 2016.” Vice, 8 Sept. 2016.

6. Lee, and Kinkly. “What I Learned Working as a Phone Sex Operator—16 Surprising Secrets of the Trade.” Alternet, Alternet.org, 27 Feb. 2013.

Last Updated: 25 February 2019.