Deciding to have sex for the first time or “losing your virginity” can be an important moment in a person’s life. For many people, it does not turn out exactly as planned. If your first time was not how you imagined it or if you are nervous about it happening, we want to ensure you that you are not alone! Although having sex for the first time is a big milestone in your life, we want to urge you not to stress about it being perfect or feel pressured to do it. Losing your virginity is a memorable moment and we want to share a variety of personal first time stories from males, females, homosexuals, and heterosexuals to prove that most people’s first time is not completely perfect.
The purpose of this article is to give many different perspectives and stories about people having sex for the first time. Indeed some people’s stories are ideal— high school sweetheart, detailed and planned—but other stories show how losing your virginity can be awkward and even uncomfortable.
We chose these different stories of positive and negative experiences in order to show that some people have a negative and, sadly, traumatic experience when having sex for the first time. We want to warn that there are some unsettling stories of how people lost their virginity; we include these stories to emphasize that you should you never feel pressured to have sex. It is absolutely unacceptable for someone to force you to have sex with them, and if you lost your virginity to this type of experience, you are not alone. There are resources and hotlines you can reach out to if you have ever been sexually assaulted or raped.
After each story, we provide the person’s age, gender, and country (not including their first name to keep it anonymous). We hope reading these stories can help you make a decision about whether or not you are ready to have sex, or help you feel better if your first time was not “perfect” like you may have seen in fairytales and movies:
“It was my boyfriend’s and my nine-month anniversary during my sophomore year of highschool and we decided to celebrate our relationship by having sex. Our nine-month happened to fall on New Year’s Eve and my sister was going to have a party at our house, so she left beforehand in order to let me lose my virginity. Partway through, the doorbell rang and we decided to ignore it, assuming that if it was my parents they would just come in and if it was one of my sister’s friends they'd leave. So we kept having sex. About three minutes later, the doorbell rang again. We still ignored it. Roughly five minutes later, my sister called me and I answered and she said, "Hey sorry to be a cockblock but the pizza guy is here so you need to answer the door." I freaked out and threw a robe on and ran downstairs, apologizing to the delivery guy and explaining that I was shaving my legs (it was very obvious he didn't believe me). Since it was New Year’s Eve, the pizza place told us it would take two hours for the pizza to get to our house when in reality it only took about 45 minutes. By the time I got back upstairs, my boyfriend was fully dressed and angry that our first time had been ruined. I convinced him to give it another try and we finished the act.”
-Female 22, USA
“My first time with a guy was the summer before my freshman year of high school. I was messing around in online chat rooms geared towards LGBT youth. Eventually I started talking to a guy in the chat rooms also from my town. We talked for a few weeks and from his pictures I was totally into him. Being an insecure 14-year-old, dark-skinned, black boy in a majority-white area made me desperate for any attention.
He was the first one to suggest we meet in person, and after the initial fear of it I agreed to meet him. I wasn't out at all, so I had to meet him while my parents were at work and my brother was at his friends or something. The day we met, I was extremely nervous. I didn't know how to prepare for sex or even how sex really worked because porn just gets into it without showing any of the behind-the-scenes stuff.
The time came, and the guy pulled up to pick me up and my heart froze. The pictures he used on the chat room were of an 18 year old Hispanic dude who was my height. They guy who pulled up was a stout white dude in his late 20's who walked with a distinct limp. I don't even remember the excuse he gave for why he looked different, I was just so scared and caught up in the moment to question him. I don't even know why I got into the car with him. I think a part of me wanted to punish myself for falling for it, and another part was just so desperate for the attention that I gave myself up to him.
I got to his house and figured out that I was really good at mentally checking out. He did a lot of uncomfortable stuff to me that I tried to protest, but the more I resisted the more aware and panicked I became, so I just sat back and waited it out. The whole thing lasted no longer than an hour and he drove me back home and we rarely spoke again afterwards.
It is one of the biggest regrets of my life.”
-Male 24, USA
“It was my friend’s 15th birthday and his family invited over all of his friends for a birthday dinner at his house. He had a single mom and 3 siblings. We were drinking copious amounts of wine as his mom was relatively young and did not care that we drank. By the time it was eight o’clock, I was drunk. I spilled some wine on my shirt and his mom brought me upstairs to let me borrow one of her son’s shirts. As I was taking off my shirt, she started kissing me (in my friend’s bedroom) and the next thing I knew we were naked and having sex on the floor. Since she knew what she was doing it was definitely not awkward or uncomfortable. It was super natural.
Although I was only 15, I did not feel taken advantage of because I was always attracted to this friend’s mom. Looking back on it, it does seem rather strange, but I do not regret it.”
-Male 23, Sweden
“One night, three people. That's right, I lost my virginity in a three-way. Now before I get any further I need to disclaim that I am gay. And us Gays had our own iPhone application long before the days of Tinder, called Grindr, where men went to meet other men. It was the summer before college, with only a few weeks left, and I had only come out of the closet a few weeks before, so I was freshly new to the gay world. Itching to lose my virginity, I downloaded good-old Grindr and within a few moments, this couple messaged me. I did not think much of it at first; however, after messaging them for a few days, I found myself knocking on their door. They were on vacation in the states— one was from Canada and the other from France. Ironically, one of the guys shared my name. We hung out for a bit. One of them suggested we go skinny dipping in their pool and then “chill” in the hot tub. After a while, moves were made, one thing led to another, we moved into their bedroom, and just like that I was turning in my v-card. I stayed the night, as I told my mother that I was “staying at my friend Natalie's house,” which is a common phrase I say when I am at home. The morning after, I experienced sex once more, before having coffee and leaving to never see them again. I often think about it, without regret, because life is short and if I do not have my fun now, I will not have it later.”
-Male 21, USA
“I had sex for the first time with one of my best friends. We had planned to “hang out” earlier that week, but never stated our intentions explicitly. I texted him Friday afternoon, saying that I would be home alone and that he could come over if he wanted to. He agreed, and we decided on 10:00 p.m. I spent my afternoon slightly nervous, unable to do much of anything. I cleaned my room, not to get it “perfect” but just because I needed to use up the time. I asked him if he was planning on drinking, and he said he was tipsy. So I decided to drink a bit to calm my escalating nerves.
He finally showed up, and we awkwardly exchanged small talk. Finally, he turned to me and asked if he could kiss me. Our clothes were on the floor within a few minutes, and we made our way to my bed. I had put on christmas lights and he reached over and turned off the ceiling light, giving the room a warm glow. It was at that moment we both knew it would happen. He asked me if I wanted to have sex, and I agreed. I think we were both sober at that point. I saw him putting on the condom and at that moment felt a million different emotions. He climbed over me and we made eye contact. A moment later, it happened. As we were doing it, a single thought crossed my mind: “I can never reverse this.” I wasn’t bothered by it, but more astounded – I was no longer a virgin. After we finished, I turned to him and said, “Thanks.” He knew I hadn’t had sex before, and he told me that he hoped it would be a good memory.
I didn’t lose it to a husband, or even a boyfriend, as I had always imagined, but I shared an important experience with someone who I knew genuinely cared about me. We’re still friends to this day, and I’m happy that even though we never shared “I love you’s,” I did get to reach a big milestone in a good way.”
-Female 20, USA
“The boy I lost my virginity to was one of my friends in college. I first met him on my first day in the dorms and we became friends. Mainly, I lost it to this boy because I had a big crush on him. Looking back on it, I really don’t know why. Maybe it was because he had really nice hazel eyes, and I used to be really attracted to pretty eyes.
During fall quarter of my freshman year, he wanted to hang out. This was pretty weird because I had not talked to him for a couple of months. Since I had this big crush on him, I was down to hang out. I came over and he was the only one home.
We started to watch Ugly Americans on Netflix; at this time I was a big fan of the show. He started snuggling up on me, touching my groin, and all kinds of areas. For me this was exciting. Eventually, this led to us making out on the couch.
We went up to his room and this was where everything got really awkward….
We started making out on the bed. And then we took our shirts off. He had a nice six pack but that was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to top for anal sex, but he said I was too violent and big and I would probably hurt him. I did not want to bottom, but at the same time I was so excited, I just wanted to get over all this sexual tension between us, so I agreed to bottom.
After volunteering I realized I was not ready to bottom. So I went into the bathroom to clean myself off. I was taking some time trying to clear myself out. I also realized I had not shaved down there. I asked him if he had a razor, which caused him to spurt out in impatience. So we just skipped to getting it on.
We got back to making out, and he said something about me being a bad kisser. Eventually we planned on actually proceeding to have some form of sex. Since we didn’t have lube, we used lotion (I would not recommend). Overall, it just hurt and he was trying to make me shut up in case his roommates came in. I made him stop and that was that.
Throughout the whole experience he was bossy and apathetic. After that he talked about training me to be better at it. In my head I was thinking, “What the hell, you weren’t really good either.” This experience taught me that I would never be a bottom again.
After this I never talked to that guy again, he was disrespectful and I had a bad time. Looking back, I don’t even know why I thought that guy was cute… Do I regret it? Not really, I mean it is a bummer that I had a bad experience but I got over it, and I am glad I got it over with. There are always more sexual experiences going forward. Sure my first time was not good, but there have been plenty of good times since then… as well as some other bad times too. That’s just life.”
-Male 25, USA
“I was 16 and I had been dating this girl for about three months (she was 16 as well). We were both super into each other, you know that high school "LOVE." We had already been messing around and getting naked for a couple of months and she really wanted to have sex. She wasn't a virgin, but I was. It was a big decision for me. I was mostly a straight-edged kid, I didn’t smoke, drink, or go to parties. I had expected to save my virginity until marriage because my parents extremely stressed abstinence, so I listened for the most part.
Then after weeks of thinking about sex, I realized, “Well I basically put the tip in already, I wonder what the rest would feel like.” So one day after swim practice her parents left town, and we had the house and the weekend to ourselves. I remember we undressed each other passionately in front of a fireplace and then the time came to do the deed. I pulled out a condom, it was the first time I had put one on and it was the weirdest thing. I could tell right away I did not like them. So we went at it and I believe we moved and tried out a few different locations. I was proud because I lasted a good 20 minutes before I had an orgasm. It was an amazing orgasm (she knew what she was doing obviously), and I must say one time was not enough. We had quite a few rounds during that weekend. Looking back I do not regret it one bit. Yes I was young, but I was with someone I really cared about and who I am still good friends with today. It was a 10 out of 10 experience and I would not have changed it to be any other way”
-Male 22, USA
“My first time was during my freshman year of college. I was 18 and I was hanging out with a guy I had met the day before at a club meeting. He said he wanted to party that night and afterwards we ended up in my dorm room (only mildly buzzed). It was kind of obvious he was trying to make a move on me but since I was a virgin at the time and somewhat conservative I dodged him when he tried to kiss me. He ended up sleeping over and we ended up kissing. He wanted to have sex but I told him I was a virgin and didn't want to lose it yet. Then he slept over the next night, and we ended up having sex. We stayed friends with benefits after that for three months. After three months we began dating and it's been 13 months since then. It’s kind of crazy for me to look back on things like that, because I never thought I would end up dating him. I always thought I would lose my virginity to my first boyfriend, and I technically did, but just before we started dating.”
-Female Age 19, USA
“I was out clubbing with my mates in freshman year. There was a lot of pressure to get laid I guess, since everyone was hooking up during the first few weeks. I was pretty drunk and started flirting with a girl at the bar and was chatting to her for about half an hour. Then I basically said do you want to come back with me and we got a cab back to mine and I had a one night stand as my first time. I guess it could be seen as embarrassing or not as special as a first time with a girlfriend, but I am content with how it happened.”
-Male 22, England
“When I was a freshman in highschool I started "seeing" a junior from a really bad crowd and everyone told me I shouldn't be talking to him but I did it anyway. Then I started talking to another guy and dated him for like a month, but I ended up losing my virginity with the junior. The night that I got back together with the junior, we were hanging out at his friend's house and he kept trying to pull me into the other room, clearly to have sex, but I did not want to. I was 14 and scared and I did not feel ready. He kept nagging and guilt tripping me and eventually got me into the room and we had sex. It was painful and messy and I wanted it to end as soon as it started and he knew that. After I felt dirty and weird and to this day I still kind of wish I could go back and undo it but it's okay because I know I'm a stronger person now and won't let anyone have that kind of control over me again.”
-Female 18, USA
“I had been friends with Ash for a few months. We had been spending more and more time together and I started to have feelings for her. But she had a girlfriend. More than a couple times I had woken up in the same bed as them, fully aware that it was a pretty weird situation. But then they broke up. Ash moved to LA, and a couple weeks later I went to go visit her. After a night of drinking with her roommates, her hand on my thigh moving up and up and up, we were alone on the couch. I kissed her cheek, then the side of her mouth, then her lips. She hesitated, then tangled her hand in my hair and pulled me closer. We couldn't get close enough to each other. I pulled her on top of me and fell on my back. Her bottom lip looked like candy. I bit it. There was a moment when I thought, "Oh my god I'm kissing a girl." Her mouth tasted so different than a guy’s. She was soft and sweet. When she touched me it was passionate but somehow still gentle. I moved my thigh between her legs and she moaned. My hand slid down and I felt how soft she was. She moaned so loud I asked her if she was ok. Then I was on top of her. It was the first time I had orgasmed from someone. It was mind blowing.
The next morning she told me she didn't want it to go anywhere, that she only saw me as a friend. It devastated me, and it took me months to get over her. I don't think she knows that she is the first girl I'd ever been with.”
-Female 22, USA
From reading our collection of stories, we hope that you realize if your first time having sex was not the perfect fairytale experience you imagined, you are not alone! We also hope that if you are interested in losing your virginity, you understand that there is no need to rush it. We would like to emphasize the importance of using two forms of contraceptives, ideally a barrier method such as condoms and and a hormonal method such as the birth control pill. Even if you are a virgin, the person you plan to have sex with may not be and a barrier method is necessary to avoid contracting any STIs. The hormonal method such as using birth control, is extremely useful in protecting yourself from unwanted/unexpected pregnancies.
Losing your virginity does not mean you are actually losing anything. If anything you are gaining something—pleasure, experience, love, etc. Your first time having sex is definitely not your only time having sex, and as you have more sex you will learn what you enjoy and have better experiences. Whenever you have sex for the first time with a new and important partner, it will be special, maybe even more, as the first time you ever had sex.